The Turkey Baster

Haydn, along with his buddies Mozart and Beethoven, founded the Classical Period  known for its beautiful music and big symphonies. Almost as popular, was music for solo instruments called concertos. Here's a cathchy melody you just may find yourself humming next week.                                      Haydn Trumpet Concerto

People have asked me how I play so fast. Good question.

            Playing fast is difficult on the                                        turkey baster.

On most instruments, you can move you fingers real fast to change notes. On a turkey baster, however, every note must be started with the tougue, so you can only play as fast as you can tongue-about like this-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. To play faster, you must utilize some "advanced tonguing techniques". (Someone always thinks that's funny.)               Normally, the tip of the tongue touches the front of the mouth-making a "ta" syllable. This is very slow. Try it.       Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta- whew     You can go twice as fast by using the back of your tongue-saying "ka" between each "ta".                               -t ta-ka-ta-ka-ta-ka-ta-ka- ta-ka-ta-ka-ta-ka-ta-ka.           We call it double tonguing . To play faster, triple tonguing goes ta-ta-ka-ta-ta-ka-ta-ta-ka- ta-ta-ka.                Much of the music I play was written for fingered instruments and even triple tonguing is not fast enough.   I have to use the bottom and top of my tongue between the "tas" and the "kas". I call it circle tounging, It's like the Mazda Rotary engines...and I've still gotta get the grease at the right place at the right time for each note.

     Whats IN the Turkey Baster?

There's a fascination with what's IN the turkey baster.      Of course, the most pure, natural tones are produced when using warm turkey grease. However, stained shirts and greasy chins, not to mention the "fowl" odor of rancid turkey grease, made it necessary to find a suitable synthetic.                                                                                       I tried motor oil, but it was too slow.                              Soda pop got foamy. Kool-aid came in festive colors but stained the grease tube.

Well, what about water? Actually it worked just fine and the difference was virtually undetectable-to the untrained ear-but you couldn't see it go up and down.

One day I was enjoyong a glass of peach tea. I stuck my baster in and slurped uo a bulb full.                                        So, now - while playing music and relaxing, I can enjoy some aromatherapy.

Here's a popular number for you opera lovers, from the opera "Carmen". Though it is one of the most popular operas of all time, it originally was not well received.

                                 Toreador Song 

     Musical talent is a gift you are given

        Music is a gift you give to others

           It's not what you take with you                    when you leave this world behind

        but what you leave behind you                                         when you go.

             This brings us to my                            most requested song.              That would be "THE LAST ONE" 

       Stars and Stripes                   Forever

 I've really enjoyed playing for you and hope you had a good time. I really like watching facial expressions when I play.        Most people smile and            look like they are             enjoyong the music and  humor. Some look "drop-jaw" stunned. Some check phone mesages or text -completely unimpressed. Gimme a break-I'm playing a kitchen utensil.

My favorite was an elderly gentleman who had a terrible scowl on his face the whole performance.    I felt bad and wondered what I had done to offend him. I couldn't keep from looking at him. I thought, "When I finish, I'm getting out of here". Before I could scoot out, he walked straight up to me. With the same scowl still on his face, he said, "That was the funniest dang thing I've ever sing in my entire life. Huh-huh-huh" and turned and walked away. Sooo, whatever your expression, I hope you had a good time. You may never think of a turkey baster the same way again.                               You may never think of these songs the same way, either.                                 God bless you and yours      GOD BLESS AMERICA

     Stars and Stripes                   Forever